Forest Retreat: Embracing the Quiet Growth & Rekindling Creativity

Before I start telling you why I decided to pause for a bit my Youtube uploads, I wanted to first thank you all for following me all of these years there or even now if you joined recently. I have enjoyed all the person to person conversations I've had with you . Seeing many people mention how my videos helped them grow their mori wardrobe or mori goals has been a very pleasant surprise to me, I'm very fortunate to have found people who have been connected thru my content. I've been making Youtube videos for 7-8 years?? but not so much on mori content because It simply hasn't been like forever since I started to wear the fashion. I always have and had ideas for the channel you see. I actually have them written down in my notepad at this time, and I had one on script but I just keep finding it harder for me to continue there? I'm not saying I'm not going back again. I even keep saying how I'm going to upload a video soon and soon, well you get it. I keep promising things I can't deliver, and I don't feel good about it.

Anways, I'm going to tell you now everything I've been feeling: 

Even though I do enjoy being creative, making videos is a lot more of a pain than what you think it is. At least for someone who works 8-5 like the majority of people. Even though I was making it for fun, it does takes me hours to even film and then edit, etc. My editing is basic but they still take me a while. It drains me, and it keeps me stuck from doing anything else. I have to think on a script, I have to dress up, put on make up, figure out the lighting(which I still suck at), pay attention on the: battery, memory card, film ,edit, uploads and shares to all my social medias, let's not forget of reply and never stop engaging with people, get new ideas, and repeat). It didn't matter if I made a video short or long because it wouldn't get enough videos, likes or comments. Yes, I said I did them for fun but it also hurts when you love something and it takes so many hours, days or weeks and the content doesn't do well. This is my fault for being such a dreamer as well. Just the idea of having to put-on make up is already a struggle for me. I know I shouldn't have to but you know more than I do that being unpolished isn't a good look(sarcasm) on social media oh, specially as a woman. We don't have to lie to ourselves. Call me pessimist but that's how I have felt on social media since I started my channel or at least what I have seen these couple of years.

Sorry for saying of these things but there's so much stuff on my chest. It has been for so long. 

This is simply one of my issues but not the biggest one actually. Youtube has this constant non-stop grinding cycle with the whole algorithm, views, likes and subscribe thing really kills you slowly deep down. Doesn't help that my spoons are very limited as well as I suffer from chronic illnesses as well. again, I know I won't be the next PewDiePie but it really affects you after a while. This whole social media thing even on Instagram or TikTok it does take a toll on anyone who wants to share their passion or connect with anyone thru it. After the loss of my cat Hope which many of you know I really lost all of my "Hope". I wanted to quit for so long even before her departure to be honest because with all the pressure to look pretty, be trendy, make  content, be consistent, also the big amount of young people who also wants to be an influencer so young, it's insane and there's a lot of more competition for views. I was getting very depressed with all of it together. After Hope passed away I noticed how much time I have "lost". Even though I was with her everyday, the time I stayed just preparing for videos that didn't reached people because Youtube would recommend other things, or just because people won't be interested enough to be subscribed at least for future ones really was the final straw. I would had stayed just cuddling with her all that time and lived a slow life like I tended to advocate with the whole mori lifestyle. Ironic that, I wasn't doing it because I was all in into the influencer/social media nonsense. I got so sad to know I could have spent more time with her even if already had spent 100%, I wanted more. 200%,300% whatever. Better than feeling mentally sick with how social media sucks you up. Anyways, I was simply burnt out and depressed. A perfect combo for a hiatus. 

After spending few months away after her passing, I wasn't thinking on staying too long in hiatus because I felt that people "were waiting for me". I kept thinking that after so many videos, am I really leaving and quitting after those many years/videos uploaded? I felt that I would had wasted my time for nothing until I kept telling myself back that I already wasted it by not spending it with the people or companions I love/loved and are no longer here.

Now, why a blog? isn't that the same? 

well I really don't even know. Maybe. I never had a blog, or I have ever done journal but I know that besides having to attended a therapist after Hope passing I also needed a place to vent. Instagram's doesn't feel good because it still has that algorithm that drains me out and makes me sick with the whole constant ads on ads, and the whole never-ending unrealistic content. I didn't mentioned but also about collaboration videos I made which some I deleted from the channel. I was tired of showing off stuff. Mainly because they were given to me for free and even though i didnt liked if I liked the item it was a constant pressure,  and the amount of expectations was laughable. I would only receive money thru commissions but I'm a small channel so it's basically verh hard or impossible lol. Then the companies wouldn't ever contact me again but they could reuse my channel forever. Nono. Where was my channel heading to??? If I ever do sponsors I will think twice but for now I'm tired of sponsors so much.

The whole collaboration made me re-think many many things.

I want to be in a safe place/space, cozy corner or "burrow" hence my blog's name. Where I can be myself, talk... or in this case "type" without worrying about my memory card, battery, lighting or algorithm. I can do and say whatever I want. Nobody can see me how I'm dressed up or if my face is all dolled up. I can talk about all the things I like/hate and like to do in life. I thank my friend Lynzie who encouraged me to make a blog, even though it's been few days only but it seems I can never stop writing as if this is something I needed for so long. I'm not sure if I'm going to be burnt out in a week but I'm doing it now and as long as I can. I do will say that I have to pay attention that it doesn't happen to me here since I can look at likes, comments and views but I will try to focus on just writing and ignore that tab as much as I can.

Hope you can understand that I'm still me and I do still enjoy whatever you have seen me post about but, I needed a safer space to express myself. This will also help me expand on topics and help me grow in literature since that's something I was finding hard while making videos. My lack of vocabulary is very small(Spanish is my first language), and I l have a hard time retaining information when it comes to verbal communication) so I think for now this will be my little burrow.

Staying Cool & Cozy: My Top Mori Fashion Picks for Hot Climates

 Staying cool and cozy would be a perfect combination when it comes to mori but we all know that the climate is never perfect so we have to adjust. I cannot speak for everyone's specific pieces but I can share what I normally have found to work for me in living in the sunshine state of "Le Florida" lol. just as I mentioned in my other post with has a similar title "Sunshine State", I said how I had to adjust to Florida's random weather, and even though I tried to challenge it, I decided to take it more seriously and find things that could actually help me out wear more my closet the whole year or at least most of it, well maybe a bit more than usual. I'm not gonna lie but I still have pieces that are cold centered but i tried to keep them minimal than what I had before. I have sold many things in these 1-2 years. I might make another post of "picks" per se but for this one I will mention the things I noticed I have kept reusing over and over. maybe it's because they're simply favorites, or maybe it's the colors/palettes that grabs my attention. the thing is...that I keep wearing them. that must be good, right?

Here are my picks from MY CLOSET:

Headbands are one of those accessories that look so beautiful in most coords. It's delicate, enhances your face, and you can remove it whenever you can. I found this one on Poshmark years ago, and have another one I got from Taobao years ago when I started wearing mori. I want to make my own since I crochet now but I'm so lazy. There's many patterns out there to choose from. Next, 

Clips/Hairclips/Pins are a great accessory to have since you can add them to any outfit you have. Shoes, top, bottom, hair, etc? anywhere you want. I do felt in love in specific with one I got from Taobao also years ago because it had a hair clip and a pin both attached to the back. Being something small meant that I could attach it to simple pieces and enhance my outfit with less effort in the heat. when you wear something very simple, let's say "normie" well you look... Normie lol?, so adding pieces with mori accents really levels up your look. at least that's what I think and I have noticed. You can agree to disagree, but I hope you agree non the less. 😂😂

Sleeveless Vests are also a thing I keep re-wearing. Same with everything I had said at the beginning, it does helps again adding dimension to your old plain comfy tshirts/tunics you would normally wear for the summer or the beach(it's been years i've been to one even though I literally come from one LOL). I do keep in mind on the material though. Some of the ones I have are made of natural materials, but some have lace fabrics which tend to be from synthetics materials or maybe the linen is simply too thick for that temperature. I tend so switch from very thin ones to even some I have made in crochet with very big opened stitches.

Crochet Pieces are also a good option for layer up if you're able to get one of make one yourself. I have been reusing mostly the ones that have big opening. even though some are made of acrylic, if the opening are big enough the air will pass trough. I do want to make one of bamboo and Tencel. Never worked with them but I have the yarns in my possessions and oh~lala how soft they are, hahah. I hope get done with all acrylics, and continue purchasing natural yarns even if they cost me more. I mean, I'm gonna stay in Florida for who knows? Acrylics are good for indoors if they're blankets i think but how many would I need or want?😌

Flat Shoes are another thing I have kept wearing lately. I only had high boots even in Puerto Rico. I would wear even if my feet were sweaty and hot. People would always stare and tell me how crazy I was. I just, dunno... I like boots? lol but since starting to wear mori, when I would layer up the boots were adding a lot of more weight to me(I felt). The heat got more and more unbearable. My footsteps became more heavier than before with so much layering over me already. I decided to start wearing some flat shoes with a thinner material I got from Taobao(back then I was doing all my mori purchases there hence my constant repetition of the site, I mean they have very nice stuff sniff), to try and experiment and I guess I liked it. As I mentioned, they were made with natural materials so they were also more breathable but also complimented my looks. I could wear them with any fashion style so that was good too. I still have my boots but I would wear depending on how I feel that day. Hah

 Many of the accessories I mentioned as you can see have decorations/crochet or anything with texture. That's one of my biggest pick points into getting that mori look in the summer. Add texture over your simple pieces to elevate that cozy look. I will mentioning that point in several of my posts. (I was going say "videos", I'm stuck as a "youtuber" lol). This post was mainly about my picks but it's kinda a tangent topic with what those pieces had in common with what I normally wear or would wear in any mori conditions. Hope everything made sense to you!. Happy Mori~

A Simple Stitch, a Touch of Pink: My Cozy Pink Crochet Vest

 My first crochet post. I decided to make a vest from a creator's page I found through Pinterest. Which took me by surprise because I normally only find link posts through the site where I have to pay for patterns or just pure ads( not saying there isnt free patterns but I just have bad luck, hahah). This was a completely free tutorial with different sizes available all with a simple English's written format. I had bought several worsted skeins but didn't had a project in mind. That's something I want to learn to control in the future. I saw this easy pattern and decided to follow it because:

1. I need to learn how to read crochet patterns. I mainly have crochet from Japanese's diagrams since they're 1 language: (symbols). 
2. I had the amount of yarn ( A bit extra though, in case)
3. Easy enough for me to craft while listening to an audiobook
4. It is a Vest. Which is perfect for layering

I did had to make some modifications because the yarn I used, even though it was the same weight (worsted)But different brand and the hook size recommended wasn't matching the gauge of the tutorial. I had to used a size 6mm. It's insane how many swatches I had to make to finally reach the gauge. I used the brand from Michaels impeccable yarn in color soft rose, and used 4 skeins. I had 5 skeins just in case. during my crocheting therapy....,I had to start several times because I didn't noticed that I followed the medium size and I'm size large. Halfway finishing the back panel I noticed I had different stitches mixed up in one row. The first half with single crochet and the other half in double crochet. Then, I assumed that the front panels had the same square "shape" as the back but I forgot completely that this pattern has a strap in the front panel. (Not so much therapy anymore)

I tend to assume I know what I'm doing even in my real job and then I get in trouble and have to start over or fix again things up and I seem to not learn. It doesn't help how distracted I get while listening to an audiobook. To be honest, if it wasn't for all of these mistakes I would had finished already. The pattern is so easy and here I am overcomplicating myself because I overestimate, and my lack of focus is over 9000.

Te original pattern didn't had any ruffles or anything on the sides or button but a simple trim. It was meant to be simple and easy pattern for anyone to follow. But you know me ;), I like my laces, ruffles and my cuteness everywhere. Maybe I overdid it but oh well hahhah. I also decided to make the buttom trim different. I think the whole fabric embroidery trim gave a very femenine soft touch, and the pink color complimented that look.

 I need to finish the rest of the yarn skein 1.5 left..I though I had the exact amount but it seems I did a bad calculation which is not rare since I'm bad at math. I don't want to have skeins left from any projects. I rather have the perfect amount because then what am I suppose to do with the rest if I don't have enough for a new project? Having to buy more with a different lot dye is a nightmare if the yarn is a solid color I found. I think It's very noticeable. Anyways, what do you think about it? Do you like it? What would you have changed? Again, the pattern isn't mine so here's the links from the creator. I might make an update if I ever decide to add anything else. I just wanted to upload what I had at the moment here. 

Thanks for reading my never-ending complaints :D

pattern by:

https://www.highlandhickorydesigns.com/wild-orchid-cardigan/